My Journey to Top Surgery: A Step Toward Freedom
The journey to top surgery is deeply personal, layered with anticipation, joy, and moments of vulnerability. For me, it’s been a transformative process—a reclamation of my body and identity. As I prepare for this significant milestone on December 16, 2024, I want to share the steps, emotions, and thoughts that have shaped this experience.
Acknowledging the Need for Change
Growing up as a nonbinary-transmasculine person of Haitian descent, my relationship with my body has been a journey in itself. My performative practice—whether as a burlesque artist, drag performer, or clown—has always been a means of self-expression, but there was a dissonance. Every act on stage felt like a declaration of who I was, but my body didn’t always reflect that truth.
I knew I wanted top surgery years ago, but as with many trans people, the path wasn’t straightforward. Between systemic barriers, financial constraints, and navigating the healthcare system as a Black trans person, the decision required not only courage but also careful planning.
Overcoming Barriers
One of the biggest challenges has been financial. Gender-affirming surgeries can be prohibitively expensive, and for many of us, fundraising becomes a necessary part of the process. I launched a campaign to raise funds for my surgery, and the outpouring of support has been humbling. It’s been a reminder of the power of community and the importance of leaning on others during life-changing moments.
Navigating the medical system also came with its hurdles. Advocating for myself, finding the right surgeon, and ensuring my questions and concerns were addressed felt overwhelming at times. However, these challenges only reinforced the importance of persistence and self-advocacy.
Preparing for Surgery
As the date approaches, I’ve been working on both the practical and emotional aspects of preparation. From organizing my post-surgery care plan to setting up a support system with friends and loved ones, it’s all about ensuring I can heal safely and comfortably.
Emotionally, I’ve found myself reflecting on what this means for me. Top surgery isn’t just about the physical changes—it’s about aligning my body with my identity. It’s about freedom, joy, and finally feeling at home in my skin.
Looking Ahead
Top surgery isn’t the end of the journey but a significant step toward living more authentically. As I look forward to this next chapter, I’m filled with gratitude for everyone who’s been part of this process—friends, family, and even strangers who have offered words of encouragement or donated to my campaign.
Through this journey, I hope to inspire others to pursue their truth unapologetically, no matter the obstacles. It’s not always easy, but the sense of liberation that comes with embracing who you are is worth every step.
For anyone considering top surgery or navigating their own gender-affirming journey, know this: you are not alone. There’s a community of us cheering you on and celebrating your courage.
Things I Wish I Knew Before Top Surgery
No matter how much research you do or how many stories you hear, there are always surprises when it comes to a journey as personal as top surgery. As I prepared for my own procedure, I learned a few lessons along the way—things I wish someone had told me in advance. Here are some of the most important ones:
1. You’ll Need Help for the Basics—and That’s Okay
In the initial days post-surgery, even the simplest tasks can feel monumental. Getting out of bed, brushing your teeth, and even reaching for a glass of water may require assistance. If you’re someone like me, who has always struggled with asking for help, this can be a tough adjustment.
But here’s the thing: your loved ones want to help. Let them. Leaning on your friends, family, or chosen community is an act of trust and vulnerability, and it can strengthen those relationships. It’s not a sign of weakness—it’s part of healing.
2. Going to the Bathroom Will Be a Challenge
This might sound funny, but wiping yourself after going to the bathroom will be harder than you expect. Your range of motion is limited, and it can feel awkward or frustrating. A bidet and baby wipes will become your best friends. If you don’t have a bidet, now might be the perfect time to invest in one. Trust me, future you will be grateful.
3. Meal Prep Will Save Your Life
Cooking is the last thing you’ll want to do when you’re sore and tired. Having prepared meals ready to go is a blessing during recovery. Whether you batch-cook some of your favorite dishes, stock up on frozen meals, or ask friends to help with meal prep, a little planning goes a long way.
Think of easy-to-eat comfort foods that won’t require much effort. Soups, smoothies, and pre-cut fruits or veggies can be lifesavers.
4. Pillows Are More Important Than You Think
If you’re not used to sleeping on your back, get ready for a major adjustment. After surgery, you’ll need to avoid sleeping on your stomach or sides, and that can make getting comfortable a challenge.
Invest in some good pillows. A wedge pillow can help keep you propped up, and extra pillows around you can provide support. Your body will thank you for the added comfort.
These may seem like small details, but they make a world of difference during recovery. Top surgery is a monumental experience, and preparing for the little things can help you focus on healing and embracing your new chapter.
Conclusion:
December 16 marks the beginning of a new chapter for me—a chapter of self-love, authenticity, and freedom. I can’t wait to step into 2025 as my most aligned self, and I’m excited to continue sharing this journey with you all.
Thank you for being part of this story.